Mirror mirror on the wall

Mirror mirror on the wall, am I pretty at all?

Today, I want to talk about body positivity. How many of us have looked into the mirror at some point, just to be displeased with our own reflection? Everyone? We expect the world to embrace our qualities, when we sometimes fail to do so ourselves. Now, imagine a world where every individual is valued for their uniqueness; where unlike reality, body image discrimination does not persist. Doesn’t that simply make sense? Which is why I want to shed light on the harmful effects of discrimination based on color and body size. As I do so, I implore you to think about why it is crucial for us to address these issues collectively as a community. I must admit, I have previously turned a blind eye against this, and I believe it’s time to speak up.

Mirror mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?

I had the fortune of coming from a well educated and accepting family. In life there were moments where I did face racism, but I was always encouraged to be accepting of everyone. So it was surprising to face my first set of tasteless judgments in my late twenties. Questions that I was often asked were “are you sure you are applying sunscreen these days?” with an indication that my skin was getting darker. Sometimes racism was masked as ignorant compliments; where someone would comment “oh, you are looking so fair in this picture.” Overtime, these comments became unsettling, as these were actually coming from well educated people who I once respected. So what did I do? Well, I made it a point to make my distaste known, but somehow I couldn’t distance myself from it. You see, I was more focused on protecting myself in the moment, rather than standing up for what I actually believed in. A mistake I live with. I tried to understand the fascination of “milky white skin” in our culture, why light is considered elite and dark a slave. That is the horrific truth. In fact, did you know that according to a report by WHO the skin lightening industry in India is estimated to be worth over $450 million. The numbers speak for themselves. We need to tackle this. However, just before we jump into the solution, let me take you through one more story of my life.

Mirror mirror on the wall, who’s the thinnest of them all?

A few years ago, when I faced a personal setback in life I, like any rational being, decided to brush myself off, pick myself up, and start working on myself again. I was obese at the time, and had taken it upon myself to lead a healthier life. A friend of mine was extremely supportive and would exercise & cook with me on a regular basis. Basically, being accountable and helping each other grow. As the months went by this accountability slowly turned into a form of emotional abuse. What started as small jokes on my weight, eventually became comparisons to other people. I was told I would look so much prettier, more than people around me, once I would lose 20kg. Or that a close friend of mine was only prettier than me because “she has her weight going on for her.” Once again, I made the same mistake, making my distaste known, without distancing. The more I refused to distance, the higher the notch of devaluation got. At one point, I was made to feel disgusted by my own fat while I was out jogging. This is when I put my foot down and drew a stronger boundary. The comments backed off for a while, but the damage had been done. The months of chipping were showing on my esteem as despite my best efforts I started gaining weight. According to the National Eating Disorders Association, up to 79% of people with eating disorders reported that weight-based teasing contributed to their condition. Although I was lucky not to sustain an eating disorder, my guilt of not losing weight made me take on extreme restrictions, only to binge when I couldn’t help it. I was stuck in this loop for months. Till I finally kicked that stress out.

In both the scenarios above, the need of the hour from me was to draw my boundaries, which I did. Make my distaste known, which I did. And when I saw no change, to walk. This is something I did not do. Because I was too focused on internalising these comments, that had basis in our community, rather than standing for what I believed. But most importantly, I failed to love myself fervently for who I am. A mistake I will not repeat. You see, change needs to happen, by radically accepting yourself. Change needs to happen by shunning such narrow minded people from our lives. Change needs to happen in schools to foster acceptance, where shackled parents fail to teach it. Change needs to happen similar to the WOW initiative, which campaigns the “Dark is Beautiful”. Change needs to happen at the corporate level which capitalizes the insecurities of the millions. And you know what, change is happening, but I think we just need to be more vocal about it. So I leave with one last thing.

Mirror mirror on the wall, why not see beauty in each soul?