Carousel beneath the lights

Kriya had had a long day. She lay down her head, tired and ready to sleep. The gentle creak of the mattress greeted her as she sank into the softness of her pillows. Yet for some reason, she just couldn’t close her eyes. For every time she tried, a blinding white light kept flashing past her closed lids. Kriya had been plagued by the lights for quite some time. She tried many things, from meditation, deep breaths, to a soothing bath before bed. All with no avail. For the lights would simply not stop flashing. So today, she decided to do something different. She takes a deep breath and as she closes her lids this time, she tries to observe and embrace the lights instead.

She finds herself plunged on an island in the middle of the night, surrounded by the vast deep calming ocean. As she looks up she sees the source of the white light. It’s a lighthouse towering on the rocky shores. Yet for some reason, instead of warning seafarers away from the treacherous coast, it is as if the lights are beckoning the masses, luring them to take a closer look. Cautiously, she walks towards the light. With each step, the gentle lapping of the waves is slowly replaced by a distinct music that she can’t quite place. Her anticipation grows, and with every step, the structure in front of her begins to materialize. To her surprise, what she thought was a lighthouse reveals itself as a grand carousel.

Intrigued, Kriya steps closer to the carousel, her eyes fixed on the blurry horses that adorn its platform. With hesitant hands, she reaches out, her fingers brushing against the blurred shapes. Instantly, the carousel stops. She sees that these are not horses but she can’t tell what it is. To her surprise, the shapes feel tangible. Yet each touch sends shivers down her spine, as if she is confronting her deepest fears and insecurities in a physical form. She instantly realizes that the carousel is designed to showcase her deepest fears out in the open to the world. As if to augment her anxiety, the distant music grows louder. The whimsical notes remind her of the comical tunes played in circuses, engaging the audience to laugh at the showcase of her insecurities.

Feeling exposed, she runs around the carousel, frantically trying to figure out who’s watching. Who in this world knows her deepest darkest secrets. She runs and runs in a whirlwind of her own anxiety, but the carnival on the shore lays empty with not a soul in sight but her. As she centers herself, and takes a deep breath in, she realizes that the only spectator to her vulnerabilities is her. Exhausted yet relieved, she flops onto a bench near the carousel. She sits there, finding it difficult to watch helplessly, as her entire life’s misery spins round and round. She looks around to find the control room only to discover a familiar face. It was a dear old kin, the same person she had once sought validation from, the one whose judgment she had allowed to control her emotions and decisions. Seeing them here, orchestrating the carousel’s dance of insecurities, she understands everything. Kriya recognizes that she had handed over control of her life to someone else, granting them the power to manipulate her thoughts and beliefs. Her loss of control extended where she no longer took ownership of her own insecurities allowing other people to showcase it for the world to see. She knows now what she has to do. With newfound determination she switches the carousel off. As if on cue, the figures vanish, the mocking sounds of the circus orchestra die down, and everything is engulfed in silence. She steps onto the carousel, this time with greater certainty, only to see a door forming in the central shaft. Without hesitation she opens the door.

Inside is a young woman, sitting calmly as if waiting patiently for years. As their eyes meet, the woman gazes back despondently yet wears a calm, enigmatic smile. Kriya looks at her own reflection in the young woman, as she stands up. Together as one, they step outside the carousel and watch it disappear, the lights all but dim. She finds a patch of grass to sit on, as the lapping of waves once again fills her ears, soothing her weary soul. Once again she finds herself plunged on an island in the middle of the night, surrounded by the vast deep calming ocean. Finally at peace, Kriya succumbs to sleep. For this time there is no carousel beneath the lights.